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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

step by step we try controlling our fate when we finally start living its become too late

Why am I getting all these followers now? My life's slowed almost to a screeching halt. Where were you guys back when I needed help deciding what to do?

I cried more tonight. I mean.. there's good news; I have some sort of good news. But my emotions are in an absolute tizzy.

First, the good news.

We're probably moving to California in six weeks. Away from here. Away from everything that's ever been here. Away from my fucking life. Really, the problems I list on this blog are only about half of my real problems. I'm not entirely an emotionally stable guy, and I at least had the investigations to keep me stable, but...

God, I miss Nathan, I seriously do, I have no one anymore. Nathan was someone I could hang out with, someone I could talk to, and he's gone, and I killed him, I got him killed, this never would have happened if it wasn't for my obsessive.. god.eee

I'm so sorry, Nathan. I am so sorry, I honestly can't fucking begin to tell you how sorry I am. I feel horrible about what I put you through, but I didn't mean to, I didn't want you to go, I..... bah.

I'm so alone and it's all my fucking fault.

That's why I've been feeling horrible. It's out. It's fucking out.

I want to get the hell away from this place, from this crazy country, from this crazy family, from this crazy investigation, from EVERYTHING. I want peace of mind.

But I'll never get peace of mind.

I wish I was dead.

I need more prog.

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