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This blog goes back to 2007, but back then this was just a blog. If you came here for the investigation and the thrills, start with this post and work your way up. Click "Newer Post" to continue.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Help. D:

I don't like being here in England. I mean.. okay, I do. It's the greatest country ever, and I love being here. But it's my situation, guys. >.<>My situation always takes forever and ever to explain, though. I think the easiest way to explain it would be to link to a post of me explaining it.

Just.. help. Please. Somehow. ._.

Sunday, August 1, 2010


I have bad news, guys. Please don't scream. It's kind of a confession.

...I'm a prog fan. D:

I don't know when it happened. ..actually, yes, I do. I've been slowly becoming one over the course of the past five years. I became an official pretentious ponce around the time I met some random guy on Omegle who couldn't understand the point of a song that's longer than ten minutes. When you defend bands such as Genesis and Dream Theater for their musical abilities and songwriting talents, rather than defending bands like Megadeth and.. well, Genesis, for melodic gifts... I guess that's when you become a true prog fan.

Allow me to elaborate.

Prog- noun, abrev. - "Progressive rock," or, in some cases, "Progressive metal." A musical genre that is pretty damn tough to literally define. Often recognized for how fucking awesome it is its many similarities with jazz and classical music, it was mainly popular back in the 60s and 70s.

Allow me to elaborate in a different way.

If music were literature, The Beatles would be.. I dunno, Ernest Hemingway or somebody. Metallica would be Stephen King. Justin Bieber would be... Twilight. >_> Yes, Twilight is an author now. Shut up. To give an example of prog, Rush would be Orson Welles. Genesis would be some modern form of Homer. Pink Floyd would be.. uh.. hm. Pink Floyd would be JD Salinger-- really popular, doesn't care much for mainstream shit, only wrote about one particularly good book. Now Dream Theater... hoo, boy. Dream Theater would be..
I don't know! I do not know. At all. o_o If I could compare Dream Theater to anybody in the world, I'd compare them with Christopher Nolan. Hasn't directed a bad movie yet, in my opinion, though I haven't really.. SEEN many of his movies. <_< He made Inception, though. Inception is the first ever movie I've seen that I could not criticize. Shit, I even criticized some parts of Citizen Kane! In other words, I love Mister Nolan, and I love Dream Theater.

I still have not done a very good job of describing prog. I guess I haven't gone with the textbook definition yet.

Prog is, basically, music that does not follow any common song structures. It is a lot like jazz in the sense that it often features long, improvisational instrumental sections. A lot of the time, prog songs tell stories, rather than are about some single concept. In Dream Theater's case, a band might make a certain album about one concept, and make the individual songs about stories based around the concept.
Due to its uncommon structure (rarely will a prog song follow "Verse-Chorus-Verse-Chorus-Bridge-Chorus") and extended sections, prog songs may clock in at anything from thirty-three seconds to fifty-six minutes, and beyond. Oftentimes, bands will write entire suites, so that's cool, too. :D One particularly famous suite is "2112," by Rush. It's only twenty minutes, though. xD Even Genesis has written longer than that ("Supper's Ready," 23 minutes).
Fun fact: Prog bands can feature weird-ass instruments. A few bands out there feature floutists, or other odd instruments.

...well.. yeah, there ya go. I'm turning into a prog fan. The bad part about that is that prog fans are pretentious, ostentatious, elitist pricks. 8D I already hate songs that have longer choruses than they do verses. D: And songs that rely too much on 4/4 aren't necessarily my favourites. One of my favourites, "The Cinema Show" (Genesis) features an extensive 7/4(ish) synth solo. :DDD Oh, and I dislike Pink Floyd because they seem to be the only prog band anybody might possibly know, and I'm not too fond of their almost generic-sounding.. sound. Rush is good, though, even though they can be considered to be even more mainstream than Floyd. :P EMOTICONS

I will write more on this in a later entry. 

Sunday, July 4, 2010


Are you telling me that Paper Mario 3DS is NOT a remake of the original, and is, in fact, an entirely NEEEEEEEW ADVENTURRRRE?!


YES, PLEASE. I've been waiting for a new Paper Mario for a while. Shit, man, it's the main reason I started this particular blog! This thing used to be called the "Paper Dimension!" xD

I am going to faint. I am really... REALLY going to faint. ..okay, so not really, but STILL! A NEW ADVENTURE. Now with SPECIAL ABILITIES! And who could forget the FUNKY ATTACKS!!!

"Help! Help!"

...sorry. That was one of the goofiest commercials ever. xD

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


Ender's Game is a good book. So is Fahrenheit 451. 1984's cool, too.

..and in game-related news, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots is amazing. I love it. One cutscene halfway through lasted literally half an hour. I love this game. xD
Heavy Rain's not bad, either. My favourite character ended up being the killer. D:

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Tell Me...

If they're called Dream Theater, why are many of their songs about real topics? Why is it that Genesis and Rush have been able to make more dream-like stories? Then again, I guess, in this day and age, people dream about reality and six degrees of mental disorders more than fantasy and Puerto-Rican Americans who go through the apocalypse and search for a part of them that is mistaken for his brother. >_>

These are the kinds of thoughts that prevent me from being as funny as George Carlin.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Ramblings of a Crazy Watchman. (The Scale of 1 to Awesome!)

Yeah, so what else is new? Uhhh... I like Rush now. They rock. I mean, I always LIKED 'em, but now I have four of their albums.. and I love 'em. :D
I'm still godlike at Rock Band. :P
Playin' through Paper Mario: Thousand-Year Door again. Stuck at Chapter 6. Guess I lost my touch over the years.
I'm stiiiill boring!
Finally playing Halo 3. Lemme tell ya, that is THE most... mixed game I've ever played. I don't hate it anymore, but... I still don't like it. And before you ask, I'm playing through the campaign on Legendary.
Modern Warfare 2? Played it. Beat it. NOT ORIGINAL., yes, but NOT original! Creative? Somewhat. I.. I liked the story, I guess. On a scale of 1 to Awesome? I give it an 8.

The Scale of 1 to Awesome
is a new rating system that EVERYONE should give a try once in their lives.
I came upon it one day when exploring the many sections of the internet (to be explained later). It's really one of those things that, whether you like it or not, you've simply GOT to try it before you die.
I mean...
it's not HARD, or anything. You simply have to rate something on a scale of 1 to 17. 'Cause 17 is The Awesome Number.

Anyhoo, Modern Warfare 2's campaign, on a scale of 1 to Awesome, is about an 8. Not too good, not TOO bad. :/ Really, every FPS game SHOULD have a campaign like that, but not in a good way. I mean... that SHOULD AT LEAST be the standard by now, don't you think? So we can move on to bigger and better things? Like Half-Life? :P

Oh, speaking of, Halo 3, on a scale of 1 to Awesome, is about a 6. Maybe I'm being a tad bit generous.

Bioshock 2, on the other hand... that may be an 11, 12, 13? It's good, but not perfect. Then again, I haven't even beaten it yet. xD

And, uh.. I s'pose that'll be it for now. Prolly. Have a good day, people. :)

hai thar (Short story time!)

It seems like every time I say something on this blog, it's a "Hello, I am still alive" post, huh? xD Well... I suppose that's what this is, too.

I realize I haven't worked on Hoshi no Kaabii for a while. Gotta work on that. Sorry. Guess all my attention's been put onto Dark Chao Adventures (which I remind you again has its own separate blog and website... AND FACEBOOK PAGE! :D) and life n' stuff. I'm sure I have something to show you, though... hmmm....

Hm (A short story by Jordan Dooling. That's-a me, folks. Some of the folks who enjoyed DCA enjoyed this, too, so... maybe you will.)

Spin. Spin. Spin.
The fan casts a shadow on the ceiling.
Panning down reveals a cryptic wall, covered in nothing but blood.
Further down is one man. The man is standing in front of a dead body, gun in hand.
He drops the gun, and runs.


Nowhere. No doors.

"Where are the doors?"

No doors. He runs again.


Nowhere. He is trapped inside an odd room. No doors. No windows. He is surely going insane by now, and we can just sit back and watch. Enjoy.
He checks the dead body. It is of an old woman, at least seventy.

"I killed her. I killed her? No. That gun.. is not mine. No. NO!"

He looks. No gun.

"No gun? No gun. No gun!"

Of course. Suicide is not an option.


Nowhere. The gun is nowhere.

"Where is the gun?"

He keeps asking these questions, but he will not find anything. There's no one to answer him. No one except the woman.

"AAAHHH... but I would a but huh where why come on..."

The man is spouting nonsense. Our hypothesis was correct. He is going insane.

"Please, God... please... PLEASE... let me out of here..."


"I need Him to save me... I need YOU to save me..."

It would appear he has resorted to drastic measures, like a soldier in a foxhole. The most curious results will stem from exploiting this weakness of his.
A beam of light is cast down, seemingly from nowhere.

"Huh? Ah... ah.. yes, yes, please, God, can you take me out of this room?"

What a request. He is not yet ready. His mind cannot comprehend it just yet.
The beam of light shines on the dead body.

"What? I didn't kill her! I didn't! I just... I.. she.. I mean... she was... she's old! She died of natural causes!"


"Well... actually, she.. she... had a heart attack. ..oh, PLEASE, God, PLEASE let me out of here... I'll be good from now on!"

Bargaining. No need for it, but a bargain, nontheless. Rewarding him will only indebt him to us. We do not want that.
The beam of light shifts to reveal the gun.

"Um... uh.. look, I... I didn't.... I know what this looks like...."

Excuses. Correct, but still excuses.

"I.. that's not even my gun! It.. I just found it in my hand.. after she..."

Correct. Not believable, but correct.
The light shines on the walls, showing all the blood.

"Holy... uh.. I.. I didn't... I don't..."


"What do the walls have to do with anything?"

The blood is the elephant in the room. He tries to avoid mentioning it, but it is right there, in front of him.
The light shines on him again.

"Um.. look, this isn't what it looks like... I just want to get out of here!"

Not yet. He must learn before he can leave.
The beam shifts once more, and shows the fan.

"Uhm... I'm not sure how that fan relates to... ah! Electricity! It has to be plugged in somewhere!"

Now he is getting it.
The man takes a look around the room.


Nowhere. There are no wires.

"Uh.. hm. I suppose.. the wires must not be in this room."

The beam shines on the blood once more.

"Wha? What about the wall?"

Hm. He is still not getting the big picture. Exploitation of drastic measures only got him so far.
The beam disappears.

"No! NO! Uh.. please, God! Please! I NEED YOU!"

The whole room goes dark.
The man begins to whimper.

"Why me?"

Pointless questioning.

"Why now?"

Hm. Time. Strange concept to bring up in this situation.

"Why HER?"

More pointless questoning.
The man yawns.
He is getting tired.

"Why... why?"

Good question. Not the best situation to ask.
The man yawns again.


The man goes to sleep for what would be the final time.
The experiment has failed. Abort.